Work Rant

Dec. 1st, 2016 08:15 pm
zannes: (redhair)
[personal profile] zannes
I am so tired of the petty bullshit from this one parent that I'm counting down the months until her child graduates. Don't get me wrong, I love the kid, but the mom is a piece of work.  I've talked about my working relationship with this parent before - this is the mother who has severely curbed her daughter's independence to the point the girl can literally not do anything on her own, even brush her own hair - and I've been getting more vocal about how her daughter needs to learn life skills so she can be as independent as she possibly can be since she'll be going into high school next year. Mom has not appreciated my relatively diplomatic candor.

We recently had the first part of her child's latest IEP meeting. So, what happens? Right before the meeting, she gives her child's other teacher, who only has her one period out of the day (and let me tell you, I hear from that teacher all of the time about how that student drives her INSANE and she doesn't know how I do it since I have the student nearly all day), a gift wrapped present. The other teacher laughs and shows the bag to me as I'm walking to the meeting, because we both know what this parent is like so it's not like I take it personally after this long. During the meeting, though it seems to pain the parent to say so, she admits to how much growth her child has shown in my class and how it was a good environment for her child. The next day, the other teacher is cracking up and tells me I need to come to her room to see what was in the bag. The second I walk in the door I say, "Let me guess, it's something that says world's best teacher on it, right?" She just laughs even harder and pulls a mug out of the gift bag that says BEST TEACHER EVER.

Because that? That is exactly how that mom operates. If she's pleased with you or wants to ingratiate herself with you, she'll give you little gifts, but if she's pissed with you, she'll give even bigger gifts to other people and make sure you know it. This is not about the things, the gifts, the whatevers, this is about this reward/punishment game this parent has going on with her child's educators. She'd rather punish her child's teacher for telling her she needs to take a step back and let her child grow up and be able to take care of herself at least a little, rather than actually listen to what is being said, open her eyes, and see that she's hurting her child more than helping her by making her child so dependent upon her.

I'm just so tired of it. It's not like these petty machinations hurt me, but it's that the parent hopes that they do. How can you act so childishly toward someone who is trying so hard to help your child be able to take care of herself? What is so wrong in trying to help your child be able to do things by herself?      

Date: 2016-12-02 09:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ariss-tenoh.livejournal.com
That's a tough situation when you're job is already stressful. I wonder if this mother is one of those parents who not only likes to control their child but whose self-worth is derived entirely from their children. I've met a few like that and it's harmful to both the child and parent.

Date: 2016-12-03 02:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] zannes.livejournal.com
Absolutely. This mother has no life outside of her child. When the child is not in school, she is at her mother's side 100% of the time. The mom really needs to get a hobby just so her child has some breathing space, not that the child would know what to do with her free time since mom has quashed every single instinct for independence that may have been in her child.

Date: 2016-12-03 04:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ariss-tenoh.livejournal.com
It's sad when the parent themselves are harming their child and what's worse is that they are usually so convinced that they are right. As if having a child means they suddenly have a Phd in education and psychology^^

I feel for the girl truly but there's very little one can do to help. *sighs*

Date: 2016-12-03 01:39 am (UTC)
sylvanwitch: (Default)
From: [personal profile] sylvanwitch
I work in an environment with a higher than average number of entitled parents of the Blackhawk variety (you know, hovering all the time). It's been my observation over long years of experience that the best thing that could happen to their kids is to go away to college, somewhere where they can breathe freely and find out for themselves what they're good at and what they enjoy, as opposed to what's expected of them or what mommy and daddy shove at them.

Too often, it's a truly toxic combination of stunted self-worth and projection. The poor kids haven't got a chance, seriously.

Anyway, all of that is just to say that I can completely empathize.

Date: 2016-12-03 02:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] zannes.livejournal.com
I wish going off to college was an option! The child has special needs, and she won't be able to live independently, but that doesn't mean she cannot learn to take care of her own personal needs. Mom won't even let her get out of the car in the morning to mingle with the other kids. She keeps her in the back seat and then sits with her in the office until the bell rings. She won't allow her free time at the end of the day and demands she be in a supervised class instead of out with the other kids. There is NO reason for any of this, just keeping her daughter tethered and just uncomfortable enough that the child doesn't feel she can do anything without mom by her side. It's so frustrating. School is the perfect place to test these boundaries since the child knows all of the kids and it's a safe environment. Mom keeps saying her child isn't ready, but I don't think mom is ever going to try to let her child do anything on her own. She's perfectly happy with her child needing her for everything.

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